Breaking News: Santa is boycotting the USA 2016

Dec 15th, 2016

Dear Santa,
I have been very good this year. I moved, I told my friends I love them, and I cut my porn viewing in half.

I would like an Evel Knievel motorcycle, like when I was a kid, and some Planet of the Apes stuff. Either the original movies or the new reboot, but not the Tim

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I need this.

Burton Planet of the Apes because he sucks as a storyteller. I already have the movies so I would prefer toys. I have an Amazon wishlist if you need help. No grey socks please.

I can’t wait till Christmas to open the presents you brought me. I will leave you cookies and milk incase you are hungry.

Your friend
–Sammy,  13770 Center St. STE 101, Carmel Valley CA 93924

I received this in the mail from Santa.

Dear Sammy,

Blow me, you ain’t gettin’ shit.

What did you do to help anyone? What makes you think that you deserve an Evil Knievel or Planet of the Apes stuff? How do consider yourself a member of the greatest country when you have ignored the suffering of other lives? You have the power and resources to help yet you don’t.

You are a dick.

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And what would you like for Christmas little girl? How about a Barbie ?

What did you do when you saw atrocities around the world? Ask friends to help? Yeah like that’ll work. They turn it into a political discussion and pat themselves on the back for who they voted for. Trying to gain points against each other to defend the actions of your leaders who don’t care what you think. You have aligned yourself with a group who cares more about where they can pee than the lives of innocent children.

You are pissed at Starbucks but not at genocide. You boycotted events you weren’t going to, and even in your protest you gave up nothing. You slept like a baby while families with babies plead for your help. You turned your back on them as you spend your extra income buying Secret Santa gifts for people you would have never given a gift to in the first place.

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There is a country missing from this chart

You have no problem taking lives, you have a problem saving lives. You have made a point to kick ass over flag burning because it stands for sacrifice, freedom, and the American dream. Good thing you have a symbol of this because your actions show just the opposite. Maybe you should work on generosity, compassion, and empathy and then act on it. Act on it because it’s the right thing to do, not because it will make you a buck.

You spent ten years shoving “Freedom” down Iraq’s throat but won’t cross the street for the people who need the freedom.

You worry about terrorism. This is understandable. You have taken in refugees before. Just not now. You are scared that others will have the same if not more than yourself and you can’t live with that. You don’t even try to come up with a plan. Just keep them away. Let Iraq, Lebanon, and Turkey show their compassion. Then wonder why the refugees align themselves with those who saved them and resent those who didn’t.

You tell me “We have people in need here in America.” True. Very true. You also have a system set up to take care of the poor and needy. It’s called social services and welfare, food stamps, and housing. You refer to these people as leeches. How humanitarian is that? Your kindness comes with the cost of shaming those who need it just because you don’t.

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We all agree. You suck!

You pray to gods. You tell yourself it’s fine because you donated a few bucks while everyone was watching at churches but turn your back when they aren’t. There are hundreds of religions. Here is what a few of them say;

Christians               1 John 3:17-18

But if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him? Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.

Baha’i                       Bahá’u’lláh

O Divine Providence! All existence is begotten by Thy bounty; deprive it not of the waters of Thy generosity, neither do Thou withhold it from the ocean of Thy mercy.

Buddhism

Practice compassion to overcome cruelty. Compassion has the capacity to remove the suffering of others without expecting anything in return.

Confucianism           (Analects of Confucius, Book II.1)

“Let a ruler base his government upon virtuous principles, and he will be like the pole-star, which remains steadfast in its place, while all the host of stars turn towards it.”

Islam

“Every new breath that Allah allows you to take is not just a blessing but also a responsibility”

Hinduism

Tradition says that a place at the table should always be left for atithi (the unexpected guest).

Judaism

To do righteousness and justice is more acceptable to the Lord than sacrifice.

Do any of these religions apply to you?

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Give me each day my daily bread and my neighbor’s too, and make sure it comes at the expense of others. In your name we pray. Amen

I know you are an Atheist Sammy. So you don’t have the fear of hell to make you do the right thing. What have you done? Posted a few articles that disturbed people as they shopped Amazon because when it comes to the ones you love, make sure you put as little effort into it as possible. No one wants your homemade gift. Just because you are struggling to make ends meet is no reason not to buy something instead making it yourself. You are ruining the Spirit of Christmas when you do that. What if everybody did that? Christmas would become a commercial joke. Take your song or your artwork and shove them up your ass. Buy a juicer. Something they can return and get the money for.

You have recently had an election. You all were disgusted by your choices. They both were shitty people. Don’t fool yourself, they haven’t cornered the market on being a shitty person.

I could go on but I’m sick to my stomach. You spend the day working and checking Facebook. In that time you could take a minute and call or email your Congressman and pressure him to help. Did you? Sometimes. Did you do it regularly? Nope….

So to wrap it up (no pun intended) Do something next time. Once you know of an atrocity and do nothing, the blood is on your hands as well.

You deserve nothing

Go fuck yourself,
–Santa


If you decide to help here are some choices:

If you decide not to here are some choices:

I fuckin’ hate Christmas
-Sammy

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What Was the Best Day of Your Life?

The election has taken its toll on me. I look at people differently. Maybe this simple question will realign how I look at the world.

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My 2000th Sound Check….Ugh!

I’m pretty lucky to have had a life of being an entertainer. My job is to make you happy. I’m in the smile business. I’ve always given 100% when it comes to me giving you your money’s worth. I didn’t hit it on the head every time but I sure as hell came into the game with that on my mind.

I picked up my guitar and played it and winked and smiled. I slapped hands, snuck people backstage, told stories, and wrote songs. I juggled; I did magic tricks (I’m a fairly good magician in case you didn’t know) I did it even when there was a party I wanted to go to, or my depression had kept me in bed until I left for the shows. Hiding anxiety and sadness many times so that I wouldn’t let down my band mates or my audience. Some days I hid it better than others, but those are stories for another time.

So let’s think about this. What were the best moments I have known….

My first kiss. I won’t embarrass the young lady that gave it to me. As they said in Stephen King’s “Hearts in Atlantis”; It is the kiss that all other kisses will be measured by.

I was at the Cumberland Co Fair when a girl I knew asked if I wanted to go uptown with her other two friends. I said ‘Sure!” Having a crush on the gal superseded the “Don’t leave the Fairgrounds” instructions that had been laid down by Ma.

3cb9dd7c4449b87759645e740542e92aWe hopped in the back seat and somewhere along that ride she laid a kiss on me that curled my toes. I was so scared. I didn’t give her a feel up or anything, just kept kissing.  I was IN LOVE! I couldn’t sleep for three days. I wasn’t hungry for a week.  It was the last kiss I ever got from her. I’m not sure why? Like it matters. It was perfect for a few minutes.


For my birthday my Mom bought me a boom box. I was about 13-14 probably and was obsessed with music. I listened to the radio constantly. The radio tuner quit working after a few months.

My Dad wasn’t around much and when he finally came home I asked him to fix it. He’s a handy guy. Got it to working in about ten minutes. About a week later it quit dialing again. No telling when the Old Man was going to show back up at home.

Ma got the screwdriver out and took the boom box apart. She fixed it.

14938220_10211416113624679_3024598311309867963_nI guess it was at that moment I realized we were going to be okay without my Dad around. Mom and Michelle and I were going to be OK because we didn’t have to wait around for the old man to reappear when he decided to.  Fuck him. The three of us were a pretty good group of people. Better than the barflies and whores my dad spent most of his time with. We didn’t have much but we never felt unloved. Mom made sure of that and I know sacrificed a lot for us and still does to this day.

I played a lot of gigs in my day. Some with huge arena crowds and some to the bar staff. The ones that stand out were the ones that happened when I was coming up.

My first band Bootleg, were playing a little knife and gun club outside of Greenup, IL called El Patio. I had found two huge bags full of these hollow plastic balls with faces on them. They were like a whiffle ball in size and weight. They were called “Ugly Balls”

832d925da7220111148bb36d5ef3e285Bootleg is pumping out tunes like  “All right Now” and “Saturday Night’s Alright for Fighting” while dodging  Ugly Balls that were being tossed full speed across the bar. I was playing with my best friends Rod, Doug, Bugsy and George to about 50 people who were having a ball. It was the first time I found out I could make OTHERS happy with my limited knowledge of the guitar.

I have always believed that every night the best band in the world is playing their best show ever. The band changes from night to night. I’m happy to say I feel like I have played in the best band in the world a few nights.

My first big indoor show was opening for the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band in Mattoon, IL. Sold out show and my R&B band Dr Wu was opening the show. That band had a great set that we had honed to a razor’s edge. Pat the sax player always said, “Give this band 45 minutes and we could take on anyone.”

fee9bef7a4073cae14a2db0a60049c2fRight before we were about to go up the ramp to the stage, Doug Evan’s, my best bud from High School and band mate shook my hand. We started playing together knowing two songs. “Wipe Out” and “Paranoid” All that work was paying off with high paying gigs all over the country and then some. Doug’s handshake that night was different. An epiphany that we had surpassed our dreams. The next 45 minutes we tore the stage up with swinging horns, great tunes, pounding drums and classic R&B music blasting out as only a clueless all white rock  band could. A standing ovation for the open band.


I met a gal in San Francisco. We saw a jazz concert featuring Esperanza Spalding. I could have sworn once those lights went down, Esperanza played just for the two of us. Lisa agreed. Amazing feeling.


My main girl Susan came over for my birthday a couple of years ago and made lunch and spent the day just talking stupid stuff. Meeting Susan was one of the best days of my life.


A buddy sat in on bass one night at a show in Greenup. I asked a girl to dance. It was the closest dance I ever had. Silently two people held on for dear life as we danced to Van Morrison’s ‘Into the Mystic’


Hands down though, the best day I ever had in my life was the day my girlfriend and future wife, Shannon told me she loved me. She was painfully shy and quiet and the nerve it had to take to say those words had to be one of the toughest things she ever had to say. It was returned in spades.

57d19a2c7af888af166edd1cde724a91I will always love her even though we aren’t together anymore. Shannon is one of the greatest women on the entire planet. I miss her sometimes at unexpected moments. She loved me without condition. I screwed it up and a lot of self loathing comes along with it. If I had only not been so scared to get help with my depression instead of running from it till it was too late. She’s living a better life than I could have ever given her. She’s remarried to a good man, she has adopted two babies and I have no doubt those kids won the lottery when they came home with Shannon. A mom who knows nothing but love.

I have love for all my friends, some helped me get up when I was broken down I treasure them for it. I do have the best friends.

So there it is.

Tell me about your best day and let’s forget about hating each other for a minute just to relate a story. I’ll protest tomorrow. Today is all about us. We are all on the same side of the fence when it comes to the best day ever.

Below the video is a link my last album. It’s your’s for the taking. I hope you enjoy it.


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You Have the Mark of Cain in your Underwear

I swear on all that is Holy that I have seen the light. It’s a black light though. The kind you don’t want to turn on in a cheap hotel.

I have been disheartened before, but never like this.

As a musician most of my heroes were black. Jimi Hendrix, Otis Redding, Aretha Franklin, Etta James, Sammy Davis Jr., Miles Davis, John Coltrane,  Howling Wolf… I could go on for days. The music you hear today, YOUR favorite song,  came from these people. I have stood onstage playing with the Shirelles, the first black girl group. Sam Moore, the Soul Man himself. Gene Chandler, The Duke of Earle.

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Miles Davis

I’m not saying that I don’t have just as many white musical gods. Van Halen, David Gilmour, Bob Dylan, Steve Earle, Lyle Lovett, THE SCORPIONS! They are soulful players and writers.(Ok that’s a stretch for the Scorps but they made me want to play guitar in the first place) You can draw a line from a Black Southern Baptist Revival to your favorite song.

Little Richard invented Rock and Roll. A homosexual black man during the 50’s. Thank him when you turn on your stereo. Thank him twice when the stereo does the same thing to you.


When the first rehearsal came with Rock and Roll Hall of Fame member Sam Moore. I shook his hand and told him I couldn’t come up with the words to tell him what an honor it was to be playing behind him. The man popped out classic tune after classic tune. Hold On, I’m Comin’, When Something is wrong with my Baby, I Thank You, Soothe Me, Soul  Sister, Brown Sugar, and yeah, I’m a Soul Man. He has recorded and performed with Springsteen, He has performed at the White House, and He is a National Treasure.  It was like a Catholic getting to have an hour long conversation with the Pope.

I have a tattoo of the Rat Pack on the back of my arm. Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin and Sammy Davis Jr. One night at a Casey IL bar, the local meth head wanted to see my tattoo sleeves. I was happy to show her. When we got to Sammy Davis she asked, and I quote “Why would you put a nigger on your arm?” I rolled down my shirt sleeve and said “Do they still make people like you?”

They do. They were closer than I thought. She looked down on one of the greatest entertainers of our time. What had she done to feel superior? Sammy was missing an eye, she was missing her teeth.

My buddy George always warned any black singer I was recording with about going into Greenup. I told him that was his generation. If I was to walk into the local bars with a black friend I would have laid money that she would be greeted with nothing but kindness. Bullshit. George was right. She would be considered a spook, jungle bunny, nigger, because the pigment in her skin is darker than the yellow hue of the alcoholic at the end of the bar with pickled liver disease. Greenup, IL has a population of about thirty-five-hundred people in it. I used to believe that most people were naturally good people. Hell I used to believe that most of America was good.

I was dumbfounded by a friend who turns out doesn’t like my Girlfriend because she is 1/2 Chinese, a woman, gorgeous & smart. A woman who is unafraid of a misogynistic gun nut who wonders why he can’t get a date? Maybe it’s because you have narrowed it down to only white folks.Then mark out anyone outside of the Cumberland Co. area. Then funnel the ones out who have progressive ideas, then funnel the ones out who will put up with me Tarzan you Jane attitude. Prick.

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A close friend, loving, sweet, bad-ass, highly educated, model, and I won’t bring her to my local bar for fear of someone embarrassing me in front of my friend. Sucks being a racist. I think she’s single.

I saw a large group of people who sleep like babies, go to church, and somehow can overlook admitted sexual assault, hate, bigotry, removing women’s rights, fear of Blacks and Latinos. Scared of the Muslim religion. Somehow thinking that the migrant workers picking the veggies that they buy at Walmart for pennies are ruining America as they drive through a boarded up downtown business district because they didn’t support the local businesses.

Ever wonder why you get these products so cheap? The people you look down on make them, pick them, and load them on the trucks. If you are dying for the chance to take those jobs for America, I bet they would put you on. You could get a job picking strawberries anytime.

If these minorities have it so great, I ask you; would you trade places with them? No. Their work is too hard and a dollar an hour plus twenty-five cents a basket doesn’t lend itself to weekend trips to Branson.

I have watched interviews about the Presidential Election from both sides. I get it. You care about the economy, about your health care, about your jobs.Understandable, but you also sold out a lot of people in the process.

You bought an absurd idea that a giant wall is going to built around the southern border of the US. Fear, mistrust, self imposed ignorance and lies. My question is; how can you as members of the human race overlook, admitted sexual assault against women, race baiting, anti-intellectualism, fear mongering and hatred? Our President ran on that platform.

Does anyone remember the outrage of a Muslim man making his wife wear a burka? Trump will put a Supreme Court Judge in place and he will figuratively and literally have his hand on your pussy, and there is nothing you can do about it.

If the voting record shows us anything, 50% didn’t care enough to vote; about 25% voted pro sexual predator. Fuck you. You are disgusting. I won’t forgive Brock Turner and I won’t forgive sexual assault from anyone. I have no idea how it has been justified. But it was.

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Brock Turner. Rapist, elite, and ready for Congress. Brock tells it like it is.

Most Presidents have a 100 day plan. Ideas they want done quickly. For the most part we nod our head and say “Yeah! This is the stuff that didn’t get done the last time! (Not always a reflection on the previous President) This will help and makes us a stronger, better country for it.”  Not that we all agree, but we all agree that we want what is best. So we hope the policies are put in place.

These policies are based on hate and xenophobia. I in no way shape or form want a single one of Trump’s policies to pass. We have stepped back. Women will be fighting again for the rights they once had.

Our Vice-President has put laws in place in his state to discriminate against gays based upon which God you pray to. I’m an atheist; I wouldn’t serve any of you mother fuckers.

He is a climate change denier, and believes the Earth is 6000 years old. This makes him a 6th grade Earth Science Textbook denier as well.3528781_s1_i3

I root for the home team and honestly hope that I will eat crow and swallow my words as Trump finds out a way to give us world peace, stop starvation and cures cancer. I will carve his mug in Mount Rushmore with a spoon all by myself.

1964 Kitty Genovese was stabbed to death in New York City over a period of forty-five minutes.  Thirty-seven people heard her cries for help and some actually saw the stabbing and watched as Genovese crawled around the corner only to have her attacker return to finish the task of stabbing her to death. No one called the police and no one came to her aid. Apathy killed Kitty Genovese. The ability to block out the cries of a dying woman. It’s happening again only this time it’s the world that is being stabbed. We closed our windows and turned up the TV.

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1964 Kitty Genovese was stabbed to death in New York City over a period of forty-five minutes.

Sleep well but know when you get up tomorrow you have made someone else’s life harder than it was yesterday. Explain that shit to Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates, explain it to your daughter. I don’t want to hear it. You have the mark of Cain in your underwear. All the Tide© in the world won’t remove this shit.

Apathy, hypocrisy, and heartlessness will destroy America, not an illegal immigrant.


Hey do me a solid and subscribe and like my blog. Even better, let’s talk about it.  I don’t mind debate, and I’ve been known to change my mind from time to time if the correct argument is made. Thanks for reading! It’s Hip To SHARE!

Daily Life in Third World America

TRUMP: “We have become a third world country, folks.” Sept. 26th, 2016 Presidential debate.

The struggle is real folks. I didn’t realize how we had fallen so far. It’s time to let the secret out to the rest of the world. We have went from Superpower to Third-World under Obama.

9:15 am-ish. I wake up to a cold apartment. I have an old thermostat so it’s hard to regulate the heat.
I need coffee. I see I am out of coffee. So I make due and WALK 50 yards just to have to wait in line to buy my coffee at a gas station. A GAS STATION!

Not only was the coffee in the back, very far away from the checkout counter, but when I pull out the lids, two come out. I ONLY WANTED ONE!. I couldn’t find the creamer or sugar. Good thing I take my coffee black.cup-of-coffee

9:30 am: I sit down in front of my computer. Yes I work and use the same computer to do other tasks and for entertainment. I need a new one but I don’t have the money right now. This computer is three years old. I have to live with this shame. But in a Third World I’m lucky to even have this.

10:30 am: I read the news on my ancient outdated computer. It’s how I have to do it since I don’t own a TV or buy newspapers. God? Why do you let these things happen to good people? I should ask my old school mate (even though she is young) Aimee. She’s smart. She lives in England for most of the year. But talking to her over video chat in real time across the globe, just isn’t the same.

11:00 am: I need medication. My 2010 Ford Fusion started (thankfully) and I began my five mile trek to the pharmacy/grocery store called Safeway. The pharmacy is also in the back. They make me wait behind a line before they dispense my meds. My Third World insurance covered it. No charge. Finally things are looking up. My only complaint was having to walk by all the food in the isles. I hugged a worker there and expressed my sorrow at him working for only a living wage. I’m liberal. It’s what I do.safeway-1384087897

12:00 pm:I get home and I can’t find my phone. I WALK across the whole wide room and have to have my computer dial my phone so I can find it. The screen is cracked. It makes it tough to see texts, the weather, what time the pharmacy opens, photos, videos, the guitar tuner, YouTube, email, Instagram, Twitter, the Stock Market and my entire music library. Luckily It will give me audible directions. Lord I wish I had a map!

12:20 pm: I have to drive into the city. I talk to my  phone and pull up Spotify. Yes I can listen to all my favorite songs but since I don’t pay $9.99 a month I have to listen on shuffle mode. It’s 2016. I’m an American, and sure, I can listen to any album I want, anytime I want to, but not in the original order? I guess luxury comes with a price. Only the top 1% ever get to skip the ads. Facktcheck.org

1:30 pm: I finally get into the city. The fear of the tunnel collapsing and the state of the left lane for two miles was atrocious. Probably because men are busting up that lane with jack hammers and back loaders. Merging into one lane isn’t the America Grandpa grew up in. All he had to worry about was Polio.

2:00 pm: The comic book shop was closed today. CLOSED! They must be rationing comic books. I will try again tomorrow. comic-book-club-ray-gootz-970x545

I notice all the homeless people wandering the tourist district with nothing but digital cameras bowling shirts and sun dresses. They are forced to carry their bags with “I  Love Monterey” T shirts and refrigerator magnets. They look longingly at the Pacific. They are wishing for a better life, like in South America, or Africa. Who can blame them?

I decide to eat at a Vietnamese restaurant. I have to ask for water, and they make me eat with sticks. You read it right. STICKS! And the portions were too big. So I eat half of it, and stiff the waiter for making me eat with a stick.

4:00 pm: My afternoon nap is taken on the futon in my studio. Not even a couch. A room with  no air conditioning. I like my studio to be a constant 45 degrees. But it’s impossible with the window open and the saltwater air blowing the 70 degree heat through here. I can’t sweat, and my feet are dirty from wearing only sandals every day. Not even real shoes. Dirty toes are common here. They are known as ‘Valley Feet.’

5:30 pm: Back to grinding out logos and webpages. Illustrating and animating. I’ll never get used to it. My elbows are calloused from leaning on the desk, My coffee is now luke warm.

The immigrants and illegals have taken all the jobs here. I walked miles and miles of fields and can’t find a single strawberry or stalk of broccoli to pick. They have looted the fields here and taken all the strawberry picking jobs that Americans want. Want in one hand and put strawberries in the other, see who’s hand is holding the strawberries. Mexican hands.

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Migrant farm workers in strawberry fields. (Mark Miller/Getty Images)

I can hear them laughing in the trailer park. The comradery among THOSE people is overwhelming. You’ll never find a white man like me being invited to live with a dozen Mexicans in that trailer. Racism. The Hispanics are living it up and I have to deal with a cracked phone.

6:30 pm: I trek across the parking lot to order from Kathy’s Little Kitchen. Mexican food. Sure they take my order in English but they speak in Spanish to each other. Possibly about murdering and raping me. I get my burrito and hurry out the door. I run back to the apartment looking over my shoulder. I consider calling Homeland Security and turning Kathy’s in. Kathy isn’t even a Hispanic name. What are they hiding?

7:00 pm: The only way I have contact with my family is over Facebook, or a text. Possibly call or Skype. Being so far away in a Third-World country means being cut off. My only options to see my mother are either driving the interstate or getting on an airplane. It’s a 4 hour flight to see my dear Mother. Home just a dream.

8:00 pm: Netflix is not showing the movie that I have been skipping for two months. I guess I’ll have to read the book. Maybe I’ll just watch ‘Family Guy’ even though it’s all reruns. But I really wanted to watch the live action ‘Tuesdays with Morrie’. I can’t win *Sigh*

ef34f5566ebbd6237e0b844d674366fa9:00 pm. I’m a so hungry… I go around the whole wide corner to buy the fresh fruit. My debit card now has a chip in it and I have to put the card in to pay for my bananas. What ever happened to swiping? Just one more inconvenience other countries don’t have to live with. In California many people even carry their own bags. Why should the local wildlife get the perks? Why am I carrying my bananas in my hand just because a seal is swimming around with a Safeway bag in his colon? I should have more rights than a seal. If only a bananas were wrapped in some sort of package. Dirty banana peels caused the Red Death that wiped out 1/3 of Europe a few years ago. Factcheck.org

9:15 pm. I take my shower. The conditioner is almost out and I have to put a little water in the bottle to get the last bit. I could use a new razor, but they are in my medicine cabinet so I reuse my old one. After only 45 minutes the hot water is running out. No hot water.

10:00 pm: I start my work for the day. I’m uninspired from being beat down by a system set up to keep me down.

10:05 pm: I’m watching ‘Family Guy” on Netflix. Tweet my thoughts, and hop on Facebook to tell other people why they are obviously wrong.

Walk a mile in my shoes! Even though I haven’t walked a mile in them. But I have probably a dozen pair of shoes. So you taking my shoes doesn’t bother me that bad. Probably a Mexican took them.

I call 911 and five minutes later the cops finally show up. I explain the stolen shoes and wanted to make sure I had an airtight alibi in case my shoes were used in a rape or a murder. I was assured I was white and this would not be the case.

philly-good-guy-with-gunI then quickly whipped out a pistol that I owned and was rather proud of, to show the officer. He admired the gun, told me that it was a good thing I had the loaded pistol on me. After all when a Mexican is raping you, what are you going to do? Call the police? We both laughed.

11:00 pm: I’m STARVING!! I am forced to forage for food at the convenience store. If I don’t eat I will surely die from malnutrition and starvation. Funyuns.

12:00 am: I grab a blanket and curl up in the corner. I have my gun in one hand and used copy of “Tuesdays with Morrie” in the other. I check the gun one more time to make sure there is a round in the chamber and I pee a little bit thinking about shooting a Mexican rapist through my door.

tuesdays-with-morrie-06-07-web-image12:01 am “Tuesdays with Morrie” sucks. I think I’ll watch ‘Family Guy’

4:00 am: I go to bed. I am saddened at the fact that I can’t look up and see the stars. The roof blocks the view. I cry myself to sleep hoping I can hang on. The salt in my tears rust my gun under my pillow.

I don’t see any end to this cycle of having to wait for 30 seconds when I want it NOW!

I am an American and I deserve more than this! Why do I have to spend more than $25 dollars to get free shipping from Amazon? Why does the government  have to be all up in my face fixing roads, making sure my meat is suitable to eat and the water drinkable. I’m a slave to the electric company!I am an indentured servant. If I want anything I can think of , it all comes with a price.

That’s a lot of strawberries

–A

My great friend and amazing musician JB Faires has recently started his blog. I’ve spent many a smokey evening discussing music and the ways of the world. He is truly inspirational

Help me out and give me a like and a share. I will personally write you an email thanking you. I have nothing else to offer.

Inspiring speech. Not dated in the least. I salute you Joe Friday!

Will Donald and Hillary please report to the Principal’s Office

Political rant: When I was in school Dr. Pat Smith, the grade school principal, could make you piss yourself with just the sound of his voice. That baratone voice over the intercom would leave you shaking in your cowboy boots. The last pair I have ever owned.
 
I was called into the Principal’s office for name calling between myself and another kid. We were told that he wasn’t going to put up with crap like that in his school and if he hears it again there will be a couple of red asses going back to my 3rd grade classroom.
 
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Baldy, Cripple, and Commie.

 

Those same traits that Dr. Smith squashed would have labeled me as immature, but not a liar. I told him I did do it. This can be blown off for being 10 years old. But even as a ten year old, I knew it was wrong. I had a Mom who taught us manners and respect.

 
So does grade school immaturity instill confidence in any leader? Especially one wanting to run the free world? Things that would get you detention should be taken care of before you are considered for office. I don’t vote for 3rd grade kids either.
 

Lets try something new. We are a great nation. We do have problems. Nothing is perfect. But why not show some integrity and instead of stooping to others, why not accept the fact that we live in a hell of a nice place and use our policies to bring Washington up to our level and accepting nothing less.

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Vote for me! I have what it takes to be your leader!

 
Pretend you are in a hotel and the air conditioner doesn’t work. Do you hit FB? Makeup memes? Point at the owner and say he’s anti gay? No we ask for a better room, and it’s expected and they give it to you. But we don’t demand ‘Customer Service’ from our soon to be and former leaders.
 
Later in life Dr. Smith became a friend and morning coffee buddy. He made fun of my liberal ways daily. He would have never stood for this shit. Why should we? Dr. Smith You’ve pissed me off, you raised your voice when I would contradict you, and I miss it. I hope you have your feet up on the desk of whatever Heaven means to you. Amazing what maturity does. From intimidated child to drinking black coffee with a frenemy. 
 
If Trump takes a stupid tweet, tweet back “Just stop it” If Hillary takes to Facebook, she needs to be told to “Stop right now.” They have treated us like children long enough. We have fallen for it and I’m stopping.  Take them apples Mr. Poopy Pants

Help a brother out and give this a  “like” and a “share” Your mom would be proud of your good deed.

You can’t hold a job, and you have erectile dysfunction, and you beat your Wife!

I’ve become obsessed with Automata. It’s the art of engineering and making machines that move either by a motor or a hand crank. A Cuckoo Clock is Automata.  So is a toaster.

I have a macabre image of building a found art Automata of a circus freak show. My first project will be a man hammering a nail into his skull. Yep. I’m going to go through a huge learning curve of gears, ratios, cogs, and a lot of frustration to make a piece of art (shit) that I won’t tell my Shrink about.

My lady, Lisa has twin girls and a little boy all within a year apart; roughly the same ages, in fact two of them are exactly the same ages. She asked me last night “Why don’t you make something I’d let my kids look at?”

I said, “What? Like Santa?”

“Yeah”

67207a8d5c58ecee46f202ae5edf010cI could do that. I might do that. Make it an angel. My Mom collects angels and I’m broke so I have to give her homemade gifts (which are the best.)

But you know what would be cooler to make? A machine that makes a lady turn into a gorilla before your very eyes. Which would you rather see? Santa, or gorilla woman? I thought so.

I’m 100% American in loving to see someone suffer. We live for this as a nation. We are closet sadists in La-Z-Boy Recliners. Let’s flip on the tube and watch the new season of the Voice/American Idol/America’s Got Talent. It’s the new season and I want to see people who think they have talent be shamed in front of the world.

If I’ve heard it once I’ve heard it a million times. “You should be on American Idol”

Here is how AI works.

  • Open casting call. Come on down.
  • Wait in line for your turn to meet the first people who will judge you. Mainly on looks and some sort of hook, like single crack baby mother who found Jesus. Then you sing and they either blackball you for any number of reasons, talent being a very small part or move you on to the next judges…and on and on.
  • By the time you are standing in front of three has been Celebrities, they know your story, they know ahead of time if you suck. In fact, you have been passed on simply because you are suck! Earlier that day they have sent Aretha Franklin home because she’s too black and too fat.
  • If you succeed then they put you on a multi million dollar stage with the best equipment and the best band you’ll find. Then we sit and wait for your amateur voice to crack in front of the Nation, and tweet each other as we watch their dreams get crushed.

I like to see that kind of shit too. Cracks me up. The nastier the better.
I know this gal, well I don’t KNOW her but I know a lot about her. She was 22. She fell in love with her boss. Her boss was married. The wife didn’t know a thing about it.

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Judas being a prick.

Her ‘Friend’ set her up like the Judas she was. She claimed to be her friend but never was or ever intended to be. She gained her trust, talked about it on the phone nightly. Everything was spilled. She didn’t hold back while confiding in her friend.

The ‘Friend’ came out one day and explained proudly, how she had set this young girl up. She told everyone each and every sordid detail of the affair. She had records and recordings that she had made. Her friend RECORDED their heart to heart conversations to use against her.

The husband deserted her. Threw her under the bus. Claimed he didn’t know shit.
She was eventually to become the butt of every joke in town. And sixteen years later she’s being shamed again. For the sins of almost two decades ago when she was at an age where she couldn’t even rent a car. She’s in her freakin’ 40’s now! Only the petty wouldn’t drop it.  Like any old joke, it wasn’t that funny to begin with. If you don’t know who I’m talking about I’ll spill the entire beans at the end of the article.

I can’t throw stones. I’d be willing to bet neither can you. Have you been ,or do you currently know of a moral crime that would crush someone if they knew about it? Do you tell them as a  concerned citizen?. A friend, a spouse, a girlfriend or boyfriend, a boss, a co-worker. I’d also be willing to bet that we all have done something to be ashamed of. Most of it while we were young. Before we really knew any better.

There is a kid just north of me who raped a passed out girl behind a dumpster until two guys came along and stopped him. He was given a sentence of six months because the Judge felt like the boy had way too much going for him that he didn’t want to ruin this boy’s life by giving him 20 years. He got out in three months. The father had written a letter to the judge stating that the boy was so depressed he couldn’t even eat his steak. And he loves steak.

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Daddy’s Letter

That sentence and the Judge and Father’s re-victimization of this raped girl was nothing but the Justice System failing.

We love suffering. But not like this. I don’t know anyone who would ever even think “Well she was asking for it by over drinking, or the way she was dressed” That would be the most heartless thing you can say to this woman.

Of course she wasn’t asking for it! She was the victim of a horrible crime.

I don’t get political in these posts. I’m not going to right now. I have seen signs and memes for over a year that say something like “HILLARY SUCKS, BUT NOT AS MUCH AS MONICA!”

132firSo we are blaming Hillary for her husband’s infidelity now? Isn’t this re-victimizing the victim?

Vote how you want but show some empathy if you can’t muster up the class.

Monica Lewinsky did a TED talk (ugh) on shame.  She based it on the quote from Dr. Brene’ Brown. “Shame can’t survive empathy.”

20 years ago a girl fell in love with her boss and we feel like we have a right to never forgive. Hop on our high horse and gallop from the Oval Office to your living room. It’s just someone with blood, a heart,and a beret. It’s ok because we hid the many hats we wear everyday in the back of the closet. Some place where no one will see. After all it’s our business and we don’t want to become the butt of the joke.

But she’s a slut!

And you can’t hold a job, and you have erectile dysfunction, and you beat your wife, You like midget porn, you are a bully, you killed someone with your car, and you were arrested for shoplifting, you are a bad mother, You smoked pot in college, You lied to your boss,  You are on welfare, You are a heartless cold SON-OF-A-BITCH!

Print it on a T-shirt for all to see, but no fair mentioning anything else.Things like, I was a kid, I was stupid, I didn’t know any better, I didn’t know till it was too late, I don’t know what I was thinking, I chickened out, I was scared, I’m ashamed or I was a prick. Just the facts.

America loves blood and it seems like sometimes our thirst for it can’t quenched. Hooray for us.

 

Help a brother out and ‘Like’ and “Share” this piece of drivel.  Leave a comment. I’ll pretty much discuss anything. What I don’t know I’ll make up.

~A

Chicken Sh*t Bingo Parlor to Open In Carmel Valley

“The meanest thing God ever put on this Earth is an old woman with a shopping cart” L. Eagleson

Boy howdy. I’m driving a back road this morning and come to a one lane bridge, with another car about to cross on the other side. This is a test of character. A way to read a man’s true soul.

My home town of Greenup is built on the National Trail. A section of highway that isn’t as famous as Rt66. In fact it’s Highway 40. It’ll take you from Washington DC to Utah. There is a section of the old road called “Old 40” as opposed to the highway. It runs right next to the Fairgrounds and just as fast as taking 40.

We have a one lane bridge just past the Fairgrounds. It is Cumberland County’s Historic

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EST 1990

Covered Bridge. A true piece of Cumberland County history. I know! I remember when they built it in the 1990’s. Before that was a one lane cement bridge.  It blew up real good!

 

When two people met at the bridge, one had to pull off to the side signaling to the person across the bridge that you saw them and were letting them go first. After all if you were in a hurry you would take the interstate.

It would about come to blows over who allows who to go first. Two people sitting off to the side of the road waving at each other to go first. The words “Go asshole” behind each of their respective smiles. Finally after either an exaggerated wave that says “YOU MUST GO BECAUSE I’M NOT MOVING UNTIL YOU ACCEPT MY HOSPITALITY!” or after each person waves twice does one of them say “Okay…” and crosses. Then you wave politely to the person sitting on the side who in turn waves back. Good morning. I have done my good deed for the day.

Then you have the guy who doesn’t slow down because he wants to get his toilet paper and Copenhagen 15 seconds earlier. No one minds. You were going to give him the right of way anyhow. He just skipped the ceremony.  You wave a polite wave as he crosses. You are Brother’s in Arms when it comes to a one lane road. 99% of the time he will wave back.

Maybe this is a show of dominance, but it usually is some young kid with his sleeves cut off, a hat that advertises DeKalb fertilizer, and Steve Miller blasting in mono at full volume from a pick-up truck with a dog kennel in the back and a coffee can wired around6086bb645d38871e87a7e221878da284 the hole in his exhaust pipe. His folks taught him better. He’s a kid. Don’t cage him yet. The world will pound him into submission soon enough. Drive free boy! Turn that 88’ Silverado into wings and fly!

The guy this morning got to the one lane bridge down in Moneyville and took off across it. You really have to go slow over it. So I waved with my hand sitting on top of the steering wheel. The man looked right at me with a nonplussed  expression. Both hands still on the wheel. A snub.

This calls for inner-country boy to come out. So I waved REAL BIG! The kind of wave you do when you see an old friend across the street that you haven’t seen in years. Nothing…

This is a serious breach of protocol. I plan on getting up early tomorrow and waiting at the bridge. I’ll block it with my car sideways like the State Cops (CHiPS). Then I will run up and pull him out of his car, and I will wrestle him into submission using my non-existent MMA skills for giving me the virtual F*** YOU from yesterday.” With his head firmly between

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“Didn’t your Mama teach you any better???”

my crossed legs and his arm an inch from being broken because of my arm bar hold, I will teach him lessons I learned. Complete with local down home flavor.

 

Things like “That dog don’t hunt!” “Shit fire” & “Boy! You bit off more than you can chew.” Interspersed with various swear words and uncorroborated observations about his mother.

These are the things I’m holding onto.

  • “Somebody’s not stirring the Kool Aid” – Story does not add up
  • “I think you are telling me a western” – A lie
  • “Sum Bitch” A greeting or a sign of frustration or great amusement.
  • “Who is f***’n this chicken anyhow?” – I’d like to know who is in charge of this project? [edit] I mistakenly used an incorrect description. This actually is to be used as “I am in charge.” it is meant to end any discussion on a project.
  • “Sheeeeeeeiiiiiiittttttt! – means nothing, just a great way to break the ice.
  • “I’d rather have a Mother in the whorehouse than have a Republican as a Brother-In Law.” – I adamantly disagree with the Republican Party .
  • “It’s colder than a well digger’s ass” – The temperature outside is frigid.

I think I told my friend Lisa a whole story about a night out in High School without using a single intelligible phrase. About the time I got to the part where I was with Aaron as he was “cuttin’ cats asses” in the school yard; she stopped me.  I assured her no cats were harmed and it was simply Aaron and a scared shitless Sam doing donuts with his Mom’s station wagon in front of the school.

Yeah, I pronounce ‘tire’ as ‘tarr’ and ‘oil’ as ‘oral’ and if you have a hound with you I’ll probably tell you what a good lookin ‘dough-g’ ya got there. But I’m gonna wave you through a 4 way stop, or let you go over the bridge first (unless you are driving a little blue smart car of some sort)91-exl

I think I joined a band yesterday. My first California band. I’m in it with a guy from Maine and a dude from Oregon.

Maine cowboys. Great guys. It’s tear in your beer country but what the hell, I’m not looking for a date anyway.

-A.

I’m going to link Matt Poss’s song’ Three Bricks Shy’ here. He wrote it in college after explaining mushroom hunting to his roommates from Chicago. “What do you hunt them with? A knife?” Matt grew up 20 miles from me. This is home.

If you have a good country saying, post it in the comments below. Also Like and Share. How am I going to make a living if you don’t like and share???

I’m considering putting up a Chicken Shit Bingo parlor in Carmel Valley Village. Nothing says classy like having a permanent Chicken Shit Bingo cage in your establishment.